ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I will die if light touches me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
