she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
