she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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