yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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