its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
