I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
