So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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