have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
