Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
