"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
