When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
