He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
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