More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
