That's intense
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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