I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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