i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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