Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
