What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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