areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
