Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
