i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
