i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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