She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
