I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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