Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
