Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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