I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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