I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize