It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
