He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
