1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
