apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
