just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
