Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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