we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
