***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
