Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
