we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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