Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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