dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
