She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
