Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize