I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize