I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
