Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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