so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
