one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
