Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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