I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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