# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
