my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
