he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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