I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
