Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
