Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
