I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
