butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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