I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
