So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
