He asked me if I "almost moaned"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
