Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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