i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize