I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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