I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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