I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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