I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
