if only i could text you this smell
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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