walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
