How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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