Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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