fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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