What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
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