My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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