how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
