A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The cops high fived after they tackled you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
