just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
