She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
