I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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