True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
