Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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