I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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