My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
