Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
