He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
