i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
