Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
