She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
