yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
