He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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