Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
