What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
