I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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