Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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