Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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