So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
