Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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