I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
