i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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