Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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