I have demons in me.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
