I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
