Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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