I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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