Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
